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Shit Kit Friday 2020 – The Wash-Up

A blog by Dave Boutkan

Heavy cloud cover and the impending threat of rain did nothing to deter over 30 riders taking the start line in the 5th annual Shit Fit Friday. Other than a few mechanicals and some light rain, the ride provided some boisterous, good natured banter and an opportunity to size up the opposition and showcase your point of difference in your quest for victory. Some of the contenders had clearly done their homework, paid attention to the subtle hints laid out in the SKF promo lead up. It was without doubt, the most competitive event to date. But there can only be 2 winners. The podium has no second or third place steps. We all know that if you don’t win you’re a loser.

“Winning is isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”

Rachel Pearson won the inaugural SKF female category with a fetching 90’s vintage “skin suit with a story”. It had become a little floppy around the edges, but that only added to its bizarre allure. We need a little more competition in this division, but you can only beat who turns up, and Rachel did it in true shit kit style.

Scott ‘I’m lovin’ it’ Campbell was victorious in the male division. The shockingly crass commercialism of the kit was only one dimension of the visual atrocity. But it was the stunning audacity and calculated self-promotion of the wearer that could not be ignored by the judge.

Congratulations to the SKF20 champions. Your names are now etched in Shit Kit history.

The backlash

Almost as soon as the presentations were over, the scurrilous rumours and vicious innuendo cascaded around the Roadhouse and out onto the street. It was rudely pointed out to me by a few petulant competitors, who clearly have an axe to grind, that Andrew Hoskins was by far the popular pick.

Let’s get one thing crystal clear about SKF. It’s not a popularity contest!

However rumours have persisted that a multi-national fast food franchise may have influenced the outcome of SKF20. It’s believed that sophisticated subliminal marketing techniques developed in the Chicago head office of the company were covertly employed in the lead up to SKF20. It also appears that Scott was smelling like freshly cooked hot french fries on the morning, which would have made him utterly irresistible.

French fry aftershave. Master stroke!

Will these companies stop at nothing for product placement opportunities? Stooping to surreptitiously inserting social media influencers into our humble community events for crass commercial gain. Utterly outrageous!

Was the contest rigged? Is this Andrew Hoskin’s Hillary Clinton moment?

Andrew, if you want to contest the result, I hear Rudy Giuliani may be looking for a new gig soon. Pro Bono of course, as a bit of a reputation rehab. Worth a call.

Of course, I reject this conspiracy theory rubbish and will vigorously defend any challenge to the integrity of the judging process. No further correspondence will be entered into.

The back story

On a brighter note, great to see SKF alumni Dave Scully make an appearance at the presentation. Looking as fit as ever and talking about getting a new race license for 2021. Dave will be 80 next year. Absolute inspiration! Also good to see The Godfather of BBCC John ‘the general’ Langler joining SKF for the first time. My mission accomplished.

Ant Condon, who by the way, saved the club from an ill-conceived takeover bid about 15 years ago, wore the very first Byron Bay Freeriders jersey. A fitting nod to club history.

A couple of things I forgot to acknowledge on the day: Richie ‘front man’ Duncan clocked up 20,000 Ks for the year so far on the SKF ride. Unbelievable! Also, Martin Bloor kicked in to co-sponsor the event end coffees. Bravo!

Backing up next year

Thanks to everyone for turning up and making this the most successful and controversial event so far. Chapeau!!!

Look forward to doing it all again next year. The SKF20 shit storm has almost passed. Get your shit together for SKF21.

Anything could happen.

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